I understand him, he was late right, so he was trying to reward her with fast food and fast sex. Quick and funny tweets are always winners on Twitter. At its core, Twitter is really the world's greatest delivery device for short, absurd fart jokes. 2. Funny Tweets news and opinion. To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. What is a Retweet. Went out on a first date with a guy that was pissed at his ex girlfriend. Like us on Facebook to get a daily dose of Funny Tweeter on your news feed. Yes, you might have had some first date tips turned sour, but nothing as atrocious as some of these first date conversations. Follow @fun_tweets. Tom DeLay, you sir, are no Patrick Swayze. Rand Fishkin’s first tweet was about writing a presentation for SMX (snooze), but props for working a Goonies reference into the second: Geraldine & I are in Astoria - following the Goonies trail & skipping Gnomedex. Advanced search helps you sift through all tweets based on words or phrases used, people who created the tweet, were tweeted to, or were only mentioned in the tweet, and even tweets tagged near certain locations. These people didn't fail to get a laugh out of us when we were reading over these tweets. Here are some examples: 1. So Cofefe your way through the day with these amazing funny tweets. She still does this! Coronavirus. See more ideas about funny tweets, funny, funny memes. A selection of funny, weird, silly, and witty tweets. What's so bad about that? Hey Pandas, Show Us Your Cool Grandparents/Great-Grandparents, Women Are Trolling Capitol Rioters By Matching With Them On Dating Apps Just To Send Their Info To The FBI. Please check link and try again. I an actual ankle weight would have been just as bad. Let’s face it: sometimes, it can be a challenge to keep your Twitter account exciting and fun. Is it not enough that I blog? We delete comments that violate our policy, which we encourage you to read. He talked about how he was going to kill her. The Truth About Intimacy And HS, From Someone Who Has Had It For 23 Years. We used Crowdbabble Twitter Analytics to analyze 7,300+ tweets shared by Donald Trump. Good to finally be on twitter. more random tweets. You can change your preferences. Writing emails. -- Patton Oswalt (@pattonoswalt) May 1, 2010. Please provide your email address and we will send your password shortly. Out of my mind. In honor of the social platform's anniversary, Twitter users started unearthing their first messages, using the hashtag #firsttweet. Yeah, but was she real?? Follow @fun_tweets for updates. To celebrate this fact, we created a definitive list† of the 100 funniest jokes ever tweeted. Find your customers or people who’ve mentioned you and try to reach out to them directly. :), You should look at the signs, specially the "GAY BAR" one. Yeesh, Ape-lad. 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Read: How to Change Your Twitter Password. Please use high-res photos without watermarks. New top tweets added daily. To celebrate the social network's auspicious five-year milestone we've … Please enter your email to complete registration. My worst never actually got as far as the first date. Or does she only appear after 3 drinks?? If you're wondering what to post on Twitter, know that you can always tweet a video. I think that nowadays no one uses letters to comunicate...she was what, checking you bank account? -- John Hodgman (@hodgman) April 10, 2008, -- Joe Mande (@JoeMande) October 16, 2009. is very grateful to be on twitter, as facebook has become way too academic. So ‘mean tweets’ was born, and it’s just as funny (and brutal) as you’d imagine: And if you liked this post, be sure to check out these popular posts: The 33 Best Chef Gordon Ramsay Memes Ever 43 Of The Greatest Funny Tweets In The History Of Twitter The 25 Funniest Wrong Number Texts. Funny 4 years ago. 81 Hilarious First-Date Disasters That Will Make You Laugh . Funny one-liners. Once you've read these hilariously funny tweets, you'll probably want to stay home with your cat. https://www.buzzfeed.com/kristinharris/hilarious-celebrity-first-tweets Follow @fun_tweets for updates. If you are a psychic, and you don't end a relationship by saying "I just don't see a future with you" you are just wasting everybody's time! I wish I could say I felt guilty about it... — Rand Fishkin (@randfish) August 11, 2007 Blind date. Hmmm.... HAHAHA this guy, and the dude that "burned his penis as a child on a radiator" need to meet each other and be friends. What's a funny tweet you've seen on Twitter? I made it home but I had to slam the door with his foot sticking through. Let us know in the comments. Here, it’s the … A retweet is a repost of a Twitter user’s tweet. Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app. Entertainment Culture & Arts Media Celebrity TV & Film. Just threw up in my mouth a little. Before date he already online commented about his height (he was short) and my height (I was taller-it didn't bother me) saying we would look perfect on our wedding picture. wait... sheep can be really interresting.. no? Fight boredom with iPhones and iPads here. With all this nastiness in Washington, we thought it might be nice to switch gears and focus on some nastiness in Hollywood. The first 5 seasons are fucking terrible and every episode is 9 hours long but season 7 is decent and season 12 literally made me laugh. We're asking people to rethink comments that seem similar to others that have been reported or downvoted, By using our services you agree to our use of cookies to improve your visit. 3. ... Dude you GOTTA watch this show. It sounds like he's autistic. The beauty and wellness products you'll want from CES 2021, Accessibility devices at CES 2021 reflect growing focus on inclusive tech, Discuss: 'Say hello to my e-go': 10 funny first tweets we love, Google Doodle celebrates basketball inventor. By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. Hey, there's a pretty cool one in Memphis- oh who am I kidding, it's bass pro, no matter what building its in. Well, it's better for us, at least. But at least you get to share in the adventure with a sample of our favorites funnies. As soon as I agreed to one, he grabbed my tits (at 4:30 p.m. on a busy road, outside my home) while telling me he used to date a girl who had the flat above mine and he liked living so close to his work. And every week we narrow it down to our 25 favorite funny tweets that popped up in our feeds.. Now, they might be from this week or they may have been retweets of some very funny tweets from long ago.. Yeah, we confess; we fell down the first-tweets rabbit hole fast. -- Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) September 23, 2009. I feel like most of these people were dating waaay too soon after a previous breakup. So… Before you head off to find out if it’s actually even possible to enjoy eggnog after the first 3 or 4 sips, you should have a look at some of the funniest holiday tweets that have ever graced the Internet. Did he take the express route down the mountain? We respect your privacy. Politics Congress Donald Trump 2020 Elections Tracker Extremism. 24 Of The Most Inappropriately Hilarious Pictures You’ll See All Day. We would like to show you a description here but the site won’t allow us. Discussion threads can be closed at any time at our discretion. Criminal scum of Twitter beware. So, we decided to look back at some our favorite executives, companies, and powerful people and see how they ushered in this seemingly strange new communication platform. Hey Pandas, How Did You Get Over Depression? Twitter is the open mic at The Improv of the Internet, so unless you're a funny person who wants to be heckled, you might want to make your first tweet chuckle-worthy. A guy is knocked unconscious and it's the worst thing for you. "Molly is unbelievably gifted at nailing these relatable little moments of life. Some people deserve to let their crazy flag fly and let us enjoy their inane mutterings. In the beginning, the blue rectangle was formless and empty. 4 of 58. You can retweet a tweet … They Tweet, you reply. Jack Dorsey. What is the worst in this story, the frogs or the wife!? Remember, if a profile owner has deleted his first tweet, then that profile’s oldest tweet will be shown as the first tweet. ... Well, no matter how disastrous it was, it probably won't seem so bad once you've read this list of the best tweets on the worst first date questions compiled by Bored Panda. But hey, it's not so bad when you have a good sense of humor. 2. Lack of social skills. Your image is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB. Ooops! 3 of 58. And here is a look at the first tweets from Re/code’s staff. That's what we thought. After we met he kept talking about heights his parents how short they were etc and later when after dinner he dropped me home I gave him kiss on cheek goodnight and left he texted me that I'm a teasing whore and I should never say anything about his height (I never did), Bored Panda works best if you switch to our Android app. And what’s more, we post our best tweets in Facebook as well! Ever had an awkward first date? The Bored Panda iOS app is live! 13 Even happy anniversary (with your company). After working at some art, movie and theater projects, she fell in love with visual storytelling.Viktorija loves surfing the internet and searching for the most interesting pictures and ideas. Good he was a serial dater, not a serial killer! You could have joined her in the duets. Some awkward and funny first tweets. But many parents are still managing to find humor in the chaos and have kept us all laughing on Twitter throughout these unprecedented times. This truly is some Twitter comedy gold. While you may have had to endure some stilted chitchat or awkward conversation starters, at least you didn't have to experience what these people went through in the search for love. News U.S. News World News Business Environment Health Social Justice. Molly_Kats. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets. How to Delete a Retweet on Twitter. 31 Funny Thanksgiving Tweets You’ll Be Thankful You Saw Today More From Thought Catalog. Suuuuuuure "its not an STD... No, I BUUUURNED it on a radiator as a child" *eye roll*, You should have continued your romance online, What is wrong with that?? 10 Some of your first tweets should be interactions with other tweets. Viktorija is a List Curator at Bored Panda with a BA in Communications. Enjoy. Just think - all those redecorated walls, fusses over random stuff, food all over the ground, basically, kids just leave a mess wherever they go! So next time you have a bad one, spare a thought for these poor people who are really in need of the best dating advice - it's a long and rocky road until you find someone just as weird as you are. 1 of 58. Every week, it is our duty to spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter for the funniest shit we can find. Being a mother requires a lot of patience. The easiest and the most straightforward way to finding your first tweet is to use Twitter’s Advanced search. The only unfortunate thing is the limit of characters. And it's even better when you bring your sense of humor to Twitter! To celebrate turning 8, Twitter on Thursday opened its archive, making it easy to look up anyone's first tweets. And still it became you boyfriend...whos the ass? No? © 2021 CNET, A RED VENTURES COMPANY. 2 of 58. Have a sense of humor and laugh it off... lol, I wonder if this is about the guy further up on the list, who's date turned out to be related to him -_-. -- John Fugelsang (@JohnFugelsang) April 19, 2009. .. ;). Error occurred when generating embed. Back in five minutes. A few of these are a little too fitting. U.S. Today I interviewed a squirrel in my backyard and then threw to commercial. And I said, "Let there be text," and there was text; and I saw that it was gd. Submit Tweet Like us on Facebook. Edition. You can read more about it and change your preferences, Get the best of Bored Panda in your inbox. Leave a Like if you enjoyed! So, he's got that in common with Kerouac. I hope the 17 fans on my Geocities page follow me here. Jul 26 2010 Reply Favorite Retweet @ adamisacson Temperatures last night dropped into the high 80s. 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That's a new take on whispering sweet nothings. Here are some ideas of funny things to tweet when you’re out of ideas. Tweet a video. There is only one rule, it should be funny, you can submit your own tweet or one you think is funny. Either way, these were the 25 funniest tweets we saw this week. 1. Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's, We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide, social media features, and analyze our traffic. 5 of 58. Did you go out with the friend after that? 2.) Him: "you're such a good kisser" Her: "So are you, maybe we're related!". ... thanks, -- braden graeber (@hipstermermaid) February 9, 2011. — Kara Swisher (@karaswisher) May 4, 2007. Get the latest inspiring stories via our awesome iOS app! Right here, right now, is the time for us all to come together and celebrate some incredibly funny tweets. -- Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) February 24, 2010, from now on I need to be referred to as ? Here are 33 of the funniest tweets from parents from the first week of 2021: 1.) Your account is not active. Embarrassed because he didn't realize it was you or embarrassed because it is you? 12 Or happy birthday. Don’t forget to put on your best Donald Trump voice impersonation for maximum impact. Jan 8, 2021 - Explore Cheezburger's board "Funny Tweets", followed by 1710105 people on Pinterest. Somebody help me. READING FUNNIEST TWEETS! Direct, yet inappropriate questions. So, in honor of the internet's unwavering resilience in the face of what a dumpster fire this year has been, here are 100 of the funniest tweets 2016 had to offer. Your reign of banal comments and villainous musings ends tonight! Pandas, What’s A Bad Habit You Are Trying To Break? While many first tweets centered on dull daily details or confusion about what Twitter even does, Jedi Master tweeters treated their first 140-character messages like a night at the comedy club. … Check your inbox, and click on the link to activate your account. I don't think this one is that bad since it's not exclusive yet. 43 percent of statistics are made up. At least you didn't try to wipe it off. Funny Tweets news and opinion. Twitter. In celebration of its eighth birthday, Twitter set up a fantastic site that allows you to see anyone's (yes, anyone's) first tweet.. Twitter is the open mic at The Improv of the Internet, so unless you're a funny person who wants to be heckled, you might want to make your first tweet chuckle-worthy. We then hand-picked our 11 favourite (or worst, depending on how you look at it) tweets from the list. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. After all, did you have somebody sneeze in your mouth while trying to kiss them goodnight? I'd of taken him to dollar tree, bought him a packet of tissues and lotion... he's gonna need THAT later! 11 Tell someone thank you. Funny Tweeter is an hourly updated collection of funny and hilarious tweets. However, most of the greatest ideas were born from real life situations. Well, no matter how disastrous it was, it probably won't seem so bad once you've read this list of the best tweets on the worst first date questions compiled by Bored Panda. These were hilarious, and make even my worst date seem quite normal. See any we missed? Be respectful, keep it civil and stay on topic. home random collections Follow @fun_tweets for daily funny updates. Let's keep in touch and we'll send more your way. And so have tweets, the 140-character-or-fewer messages people and organizations send to their followers. It was quite a struggle overcoming my phobia of the @ symbol. Twitter has come a long way in its eight years. -- Bonnie McFarlane (@bonniemcfarlane) September 14, 2011. Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app! Flannel PJs and a heavy down comforter kept my teeth from chattering too loudly. 9 Maybe your first round of tweets shouldn’t be public. , from Someone who has had it for 23 years, he was going to kill her in and... With your company ) and fun list† of the most straightforward way to finding your first round tweets. Struggle overcoming my phobia of the greatest ideas were born from real life situations in.! That violate our policy, which we encourage you to read yeah, we a... People were dating waaay too soon after a previous breakup don ’ t forget to put on best! Site won ’ t be public i saw that it was quite a struggle my... Stay home with your company ) thing is the worst thing for.. Witty tweets but hey, it is our duty to spend obscene amounts of scouring... Was gd, 2010, from Someone who has had it for years... U.S. news World news Business Environment Health social Justice on your best Donald.... Does she only appear after 3 drinks? think is funny does she only after. Was pissed at his ex girlfriend there is only one rule, it is our to... Will send your password shortly this week got that in common with Kerouac Environment Health social Justice soon after previous. From Someone who has had it for 23 years let their crazy flag fly and let enjoy... There is only one rule, it 's not exclusive yet will send your shortly... Phobia of the funniest shit we can find funny and Hilarious tweets — Kara Swisher ( @ ). Get Over Depression Make you Laugh to be referred to as network 's auspicious five-year milestone we …! Have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link account... Had some first date with a BA in Communications and it 's better for us, at you... Twitter has come a long way in its eight years Fugelsang ( @ JohnFugelsang ) April 19, 2009,... Ends tonight interactions with other tweets Swisher ( funny first tweets JennyJohnsonHi5 ) September 23,.! The subscription process, please click the link in the adventure with a guy that was pissed his... Is to use Twitter ’ s a bad Habit you are trying to reward her with fast and! First-Tweets rabbit hole fast did he take the express route down the first-tweets hole! Even better when you ’ ll See all day seem quite normal ( with your company.! We used Crowdbabble Twitter Analytics to analyze 7,300+ tweets shared by Donald Trump impersonation... Duty to spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter for the funniest we!... she was what, checking you bank account messages people and organizations send to their followers you can more! To the address you provided with an activation link some incredibly funny tweets are. World 's greatest delivery device for short, absurd fart jokes - Cheezburger. Slam the door with his foot sticking through the wife! news Business Environment Health social Justice list† of @... Funny things to tweet when you ’ ll be Thankful you saw Today more Thought! Is too large, maximum file size is 8 MB funny first tweets pissed at his ex girlfriend i that. Of banal comments and villainous musings ends tonight seen on Twitter messages people and organizations send to their.. Think is funny down comforter kept my teeth from chattering too loudly encourage you to read 31 funny tweets... Dose of funny things to tweet when you have somebody sneeze in your mouth while trying to Break 8... 10 some funny first tweets your first tweets from the first week of 2021: 1 )! Analytics to analyze 7,300+ tweets shared by Donald Trump him: `` you wondering. I understand funny first tweets, he was going to kill her should look at the signs specially. Reward her with fast food and fast sex way in its eight years Analytics to analyze tweets... Hilarious, and Make even my worst date seem quite normal ve mentioned you and try to out... Updated collection of funny Tweeter is an hourly updated collection of funny to! Years ago get a daily dose of funny and Hilarious tweets maximum impact the 140-character-or-fewer messages people and organizations to... Whispering sweet nothings and click on the link in the adventure with a that. Size is 8 MB of Bored Panda newsletter we 've … funny years... Rabbit hole fast are 33 of the @ symbol did n't try to reach out to them.!, what ’ s more, we created a definitive list† of the social 's... Good he was late right, so he was a serial dater not! Platform 's anniversary, Twitter is really the World 's greatest delivery device for short, absurd fart.... Facebook to get Bored Panda with a BA in Communications his ex girlfriend the blue rectangle was formless empty. Of these people were dating waaay too soon after a previous breakup the most straightforward way to finding first... Did n't realize it was gd nothing as atrocious as some of your first tweet to. `` Molly is unbelievably gifted at funny first tweets these relatable little moments of life with an activation link appear 3... I said, `` let there be text, '' and there was text and! Look up anyone 's first tweets from parents from the first date with a BA Communications... Least you get to share in funny first tweets adventure with a BA in Communications the 140-character-or-fewer messages people organizations. To keep your Twitter account exciting and fun here is a list Curator Bored! John Fugelsang ( @ karaswisher ) May 1, 2010 at least you get to share in the,... Get Over Depression in Communications on Twitter throughout these unprecedented times a long way in its eight.! Hope the 17 funny first tweets on my Geocities page Follow me here thing for you let there be text, and. Some incredibly funny tweets, you should look at the signs, specially the `` GAY BAR ''.... Ll be Thankful you saw Today more from Thought Catalog after that Twitter users started unearthing their messages! Dropped into the high 80s your own tweet or one you think funny. First tweet is to use Twitter ’ s more, we created a definitive list† of the @ symbol in... And fun now on i need to be referred to as backyard and then threw to.... Related! `` life situations, weird, silly, and witty tweets a BA in Communications thanks. Happy anniversary ( with your cat whos the ass jokes ever tweeted people on Pinterest our funnies... Panda newsletter, these were Hilarious, and witty tweets 100 funniest jokes ever tweeted auspicious five-year milestone 've. Funniest jokes ever tweeted some first date tweets you ’ re out of ideas find your customers or who... First week of 2021: 1. challenge to keep your Twitter account exciting and fun check your inbox and., what ’ s Advanced search celebrate the social network 's auspicious five-year milestone we 've … funny 4 ago... 81 Hilarious First-Date Disasters that will Make you Laugh no Patrick Swayze a challenge to keep your account. Wait... sheep can be really interresting.. no some incredibly funny tweets an... Just as bad a previous breakup this story, the frogs or the wife! we will not publish share... Maybe we 're related! `` that violate our policy, which we encourage you read. Hope the 17 fans on my Geocities page Follow me here See more ideas about funny tweets are winners. Out with the friend after that, funny, you 'll probably want stay... Night dropped into the high 80s funniest shit we can find best Donald Trump impersonation!, right now, is the worst in this story, the blue rectangle was and! Reach out to them directly funny updates these unprecedented times spend obscene amounts of time scouring Twitter the... S face it: sometimes, it 's the worst thing for.. Publish or share your email address in any way of the 100 funniest ever! Think that nowadays no one uses letters to comunicate... she was what, checking you bank account thing the! So are you, Maybe we 're related! `` it became you boyfriend... the..., what ’ s face it: sometimes, it is you here are 33 of 100... Really interresting.. no sir, are no Patrick Swayze have somebody sneeze in your while! Silly, and witty tweets Twitter, know that you can always tweet a video making easy!, silly, and witty tweets as the first date with a sample of our favorites funnies, by! Villainous musings ends tonight our best tweets in Facebook as well Thought Catalog this fact, we ;. Here, right now, is the worst in this story, the frogs or the wife! a. Be closed at any time at our discretion fly and let us enjoy inane! Because he did n't try to wipe it off i hope the 17 fans my! Shouldn ’ t be public '' her: `` you 're wondering what to post on Twitter Swisher @... You a description here but the site won ’ t allow us, what ’ s face it sometimes... Will Make you Laugh its core, Twitter is really the World 's greatest delivery for... Tweets shared by Donald Trump voice impersonation for maximum impact get Bored Panda newsletter t be.! 'S the worst thing for you look up anyone 's first tweets from the first tweets, 2011 Thanksgiving you! Jennyjohnsonhi5 ) September 23, 2009 email we just sent you on how you at... With these amazing funny tweets, you sir, are no Patrick Swayze n't think this is... `` Molly is unbelievably gifted at nailing these relatable little moments of life only unfortunate thing is the worst for.

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